Only Ten More Sleeps Till Torch Day!

Well here it is only one week until I run the Olympic Torch. I was a little concerned last week if I would make it. I developed this terrible pain in my neck and shoulder so I went to see my physiotherapist and he immediately knew what the problem was:
“You’ve got the worst case of torch shoulder I’ve ever seen. I’ve seen a lot of this lately, he said, “It comes from too much practicing holding your arm in the air. You have to stop doing at night in your sleep.”
He gave me some exercises to do and suggested I switch arms every hundred meters.

I’ve also come up with a brilliant marketing idea to cash in on my notoriety – after all it truly is my 15 minutes or 300 meters (which ever comes first) of fame. I’ve decided to market the Olympic Glove Protection Device. It’s an ingenious device to make sure that you don’t lose one of your Olympic mittens. In its simplest form it’s a piece of red string with a safety pin on either end. You attach a safety pin to one of your mittens, then run the string through both arms of your coat and attach the other mitten. It’s foolproof – it’s virtually impossible to lose one of your mittens. I figure $9.99 is a good price for the Jeff Groberman Olympic Mitten Saver. I’m taking orders now, but don’t tell the Olympic Police. I think I already have a problem with them.

A few days ago I received a call from the Richmond Review. They wanted to interview me as being one of the Richmond Torch Runners.
The phone interview was going quite well until the reporter asked me about my pledge.
“What pledge?” I asked.
“When you signed up, you promised to do something for the environment,” she replied. So what have you been doing?”

Oh yes, the pledge thing. Now I remember. When I signed up for the Torch Run the form had some air-fairy thing about pledging to do something good. I totally forgot about that. In fact I don’t even remember what it was I promised to do.

Suddenly I had a vision of the VANOC (Vancouver Olympic Committee) Police pouring out of the van that follows the runners and stopping me just as my torch is being lit, Taking it away, and snapping it over their knee, then stripping me of my spiffy Olympic Torch Runner Uniform and forcing me at torch point to run naked my 300 meters. I would lose all my friends, my family would abandon me, and I’d have to hang out with Steve Fonyo. (Who incidentally contacted me: He wanted to know if he could run with me - sort of a three legged segment with him and me handcuffed together.)

“Fine. Fine.” I told the reporter, playing for time. What was it I offered?
“So what exactly are you doing to save energy?” she pressed
Aha! That was it. I promised to save energy!
“Well, I’ve changed light bulbs in our house for those curly-cue Fluorescent things,” I offered.
“Two light bulbs? That’s it?” She asked. I could hear scribbling. This wasn’t going well. Then I had an inspiration.
“But then of course at our cottage, we have gone totally solar.”
“Really? Totally?”
I could hear that she was impressed.
“Yes. Yes. No sucking off the Hydro tit.” Everything is solar now. In fact I have so much power I might give some to my neighbours.”
“When can we get your picture?” She asked.
Of course I didn’t’ tell her there is no Hydro at our cottage. The only power we have is solar. But I made it sound impressive.
Thank goodness I didn’t promise to be a midwife to the whales.
She published a nice little article in last Saturday’s Richmond Review.

So this will be the last update until after I do my run next Wednesday. If you have the time come and see me run. I start at the Royal Bank in Edgemont Village and run to the Anglican Church on Ridgewood Drive around 4:00pm on Wednesday Feb 10th.

Yours till the torch goes out
Jeff