Ooops! At least I didn't set myself on fire - why I'm now on YouTube

Well the big moment came and went in a flash. And while many of you who predicted disaster, will be glad to know your predictions came true – but not in the manner you might have expected. And of course it was all caught on YouTube. But more about that (and the link later).

As you know I was given a route to run in North Vancouver, a small communize known as Edgemont Village. I was told to meet at the foot of Grouse Mountain to check in and get my torch.

Upon arrival I met the other 18 or so folks who would be sharing this leg of the Torch Run with me: There was the president of Visa Canada, a representative of ESPN, three former Olympic athletes, a charming young lady who had won two golds and a silver at the Special Olympics (the Summer and Winter games), a HIV survivor, and a young woman from Nunavut. The rest of us were from some-of-it (lower mainland).

I was the first to get registered and told to go to the bus and get my torch. Once in the bus there was a line-up of 20 torches. I wanted to pick a good one, but had my hand slapped and handed one with my runner number on it.

I was worried that I might be given a unit manufactured by Toyota, but our den mother from Toronto told me with some pride that the torches were made by Bombardier.
I pointed out that our SkyTrain cars were built by Bombardier and she should see how reliable it was when we get an inch of snow on the tracks.
After a little pep talk we all trundled onto the shuttle bus and off we went, depositing runners every 300 meters like sacks of flower until it was my turn to get off.
As we got closer and closer to Edgemont Village the crowds got bigger and bigger.

When we entered the village the crowds were 8 deep on both sides of the street and the roofs of the buildings on either side of the street were lined with flag waving spectators. The mood on the bus turned from astonishment to down right fear.
“Who’s running here?” one of them asked?
“I guess that would be me,” I said.
I stepped, or rather was pushed like a reluctant sky diver, out of the bus and the bus took off leaving me alone with my fate.
The crowds stood around me afraid to touch me or the torch. Finally I offered it to one little girl, then another, and another, and suddenly everyone was grabbing for the torch. I had visions of the crowd passing the torch from hand to hand until it was half way down the block and I would have no torch when the runner arrived to light mine.
I got my torch back just in time for a Mountie on a bike to put a key into the side of the torch and turn on the gas. A moment or two later, Tico the runner ahead of me arrived, and we kissed torches and did a little dance with a dosey-do a couple of hi-fives and away I ran. Well I didn’t really run, more like a jog. Actually more like a walk – a slow walk. The crowds were so dense they were having trouble clearing the road in front of me! Of course I was egging them on
“Come on! Let’s hear it for the torch!” I shouted to one side putting my hand to my ear.
“I Can’t hear you!”
Egging the Audience On

Eventually I made it to the corner where the crowds thinned a bit, and trotted the last twenty yards to where Corrie, the challenged young Olympic athlete, I had mentioned earlier was waiting for me to “kiss” her torch.
I lit her torch and then reached around to hug her in the little dance we had rehearsed, but she must have forgotten and pulled back, and my elbow hit her arm, and her lit torch went flying and hit the pavement with an audible thunk. The Crowd that had been cheering wildly went ominously silent.
Oooooops!

Ooooooops Close up

A Mountie picked it up, dusted it off and handed it back to her, and off she ran while I scuttled to the side and sheepishly waited for the pick up bus, that thankfully arrived moments later.

The whole run I was told was over in under three minutes. Then it was pack to Grouse Mountain to get picked up by my wife and home.

I definitely want to thank all of you who took time off work and braved the crowds to come and see me and share the moment. I appreciated seeing your faces in the crowd.
I’ll publish some of your pictures on the blog as I get them, so check back from time to time and leave some feedback on the blog so it looks like somebody occasionally reads it!
That’s it for this adventure. I’m sure there’ll be more to come.

Thanks for following it with me. You’re all honorary torch bearers. Hold it high and don’t drop it.

Only Ten More Sleeps Till Torch Day!

Well here it is only one week until I run the Olympic Torch. I was a little concerned last week if I would make it. I developed this terrible pain in my neck and shoulder so I went to see my physiotherapist and he immediately knew what the problem was:
“You’ve got the worst case of torch shoulder I’ve ever seen. I’ve seen a lot of this lately, he said, “It comes from too much practicing holding your arm in the air. You have to stop doing at night in your sleep.”
He gave me some exercises to do and suggested I switch arms every hundred meters.

I’ve also come up with a brilliant marketing idea to cash in on my notoriety – after all it truly is my 15 minutes or 300 meters (which ever comes first) of fame. I’ve decided to market the Olympic Glove Protection Device. It’s an ingenious device to make sure that you don’t lose one of your Olympic mittens. In its simplest form it’s a piece of red string with a safety pin on either end. You attach a safety pin to one of your mittens, then run the string through both arms of your coat and attach the other mitten. It’s foolproof – it’s virtually impossible to lose one of your mittens. I figure $9.99 is a good price for the Jeff Groberman Olympic Mitten Saver. I’m taking orders now, but don’t tell the Olympic Police. I think I already have a problem with them.

A few days ago I received a call from the Richmond Review. They wanted to interview me as being one of the Richmond Torch Runners.
The phone interview was going quite well until the reporter asked me about my pledge.
“What pledge?” I asked.
“When you signed up, you promised to do something for the environment,” she replied. So what have you been doing?”

Oh yes, the pledge thing. Now I remember. When I signed up for the Torch Run the form had some air-fairy thing about pledging to do something good. I totally forgot about that. In fact I don’t even remember what it was I promised to do.

Suddenly I had a vision of the VANOC (Vancouver Olympic Committee) Police pouring out of the van that follows the runners and stopping me just as my torch is being lit, Taking it away, and snapping it over their knee, then stripping me of my spiffy Olympic Torch Runner Uniform and forcing me at torch point to run naked my 300 meters. I would lose all my friends, my family would abandon me, and I’d have to hang out with Steve Fonyo. (Who incidentally contacted me: He wanted to know if he could run with me - sort of a three legged segment with him and me handcuffed together.)

“Fine. Fine.” I told the reporter, playing for time. What was it I offered?
“So what exactly are you doing to save energy?” she pressed
Aha! That was it. I promised to save energy!
“Well, I’ve changed light bulbs in our house for those curly-cue Fluorescent things,” I offered.
“Two light bulbs? That’s it?” She asked. I could hear scribbling. This wasn’t going well. Then I had an inspiration.
“But then of course at our cottage, we have gone totally solar.”
“Really? Totally?”
I could hear that she was impressed.
“Yes. Yes. No sucking off the Hydro tit.” Everything is solar now. In fact I have so much power I might give some to my neighbours.”
“When can we get your picture?” She asked.
Of course I didn’t’ tell her there is no Hydro at our cottage. The only power we have is solar. But I made it sound impressive.
Thank goodness I didn’t promise to be a midwife to the whales.
She published a nice little article in last Saturday’s Richmond Review.

So this will be the last update until after I do my run next Wednesday. If you have the time come and see me run. I start at the Royal Bank in Edgemont Village and run to the Anglican Church on Ridgewood Drive around 4:00pm on Wednesday Feb 10th.

Yours till the torch goes out
Jeff

DIARY OF A MAD TORCHRUNNER – 15 DAYS TO GO

Well here it is exactly 21 days till I run the Olympic torch! Twenty-one more sleeps!
There’s been a lot of activity as the event draws closer.

First of all I received my spiffy Torch Runner Uniform - the jacket, pants, toque and red mittens.

When I informed my buddies that I had received the outfit, my friend Sonny told me that my red mittens were special – not just like the ten buck mittens you buy at the Bay. Sonny told me these were special torch runner mittens. They have been treated with flame retardant – that they’re impossible to burn. Of course I had to find out. I think I keep my hand clenched nobody will notice. Of course it’s my right mitten so I’ll have to carry the torch left handed.

One thing I didn’t receive was my torch. This was a great disappointment as my son had already figured out how to make it shoot colored flames twenty feet into the air. He suggests that maybe we should find somebody who already has a torch to lend it to us. He would make the modifications and show up on the day I’m running with torch hidden in his pants, and when nobody was looking we could make the switch! Of course his torch would have to be lit at the time of the switch, which could be uncomfortable for him. We’re still working on the plan so don’t give up hope.

My wife wasn’t thrilled with me spending three hundred and fifty bucks to buy my torch. I told her that people are getting over two thousand dollars for the torch on ebay. She could sell it after I’m dead. That seemed to mollify her. So if something should happen to me the day after I run the torch, please have the CIS people take a close look at my corpse and see if there are any pillow feathers in my mouth.

As many of you know I’m directionally challenged. And since my route actually has a corner that I have to negotiate, the chances are high that I will get lost. My handlers will go one way and I’ll go the other. In order to stave off this potentially embarrassing situation I have modified a portable GPS unit, and fitted it to harmonic holder from my “I want to Bob Dylan Days” and have it suspended in front of my eyes so I will know where I am at all times.

I recently became reacquainted with a cousin of mine who works for the Public Relations Department of NASA. One of his duties is to special appearances by the NASA astronauts. I emailed him to see if he might be able to help. I asked if Neil Armstrong would like to stand along the Bag Lady and Dumpster Diver I hired to cheer me on. Here’s the email response:

“Neil isn't available but John Glenn said he'd be there with bells on .
Sounds very cool.”

I replied that I didn’t think that would be a good idea, as John is looking a bit shabby, and might get in a fight with the Bag Lady – and that would divert attention to me. But then again that might just be the diversion I need to switch torches!

My cousin did suggest as an alternative that the astronauts might take a banner with them to tack up on the outside of the Space Station during one of their EVA’s. I have Michele making it up now.

So again, I’m running on Wednesday Feb 10th around 4:00pm near Edgemont village.

Guess who's Running to Olympic Torch!

This is a little different than my usual travel email. Some of you may not be aware that I have been selected to be a TorchRunner for 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver!

My selection has been met with a combination of excitement by me and indifference from my friends and family.

It would be nice to have at least a few people (besides the two bag ladies and the Dumpster Diver I’ve paid to show up)to cheer me on my way.

The Olympic Committee has wisely added additional security on my portion of the run: Not because they fear demonstrators, but they fear FOR the demonstrators. I have let it be known that I am actually looking forward to protests. After all I am carrying a large club that’s lit on one end. If confronted I intend to wave that sucker like Indiana Jones in the snake pit!

And speaking of the torch. My engineering son feels that the flame is a bit :”on the wimpy side!” He feels that, in the spirit of Tim the Toolman Taylor he can make some “slight modifications” to my torch. The butane fuel he feels is a bit lame. He feels that some high octane rocket fuel should be able to shoot flames twenty feet or more into the air when my torch is ignited. “And why not coloured flames?” He added. “We have the technology!”

While he’s making the small modifications to my torch I’m asking him to take the “La Cuaracha” horn from our boat and hide it inside the torch as well so that I can provide my onlookers with a multi-media sound and light show.

If your’re in the area of North Vancouver near Edgemont Village around 4:00pm on Wednesday February 10th, I could use the support to cheer me on. Supposedly I’m supposed to run 300m, but if things are going well I might just decide to take it all the way to the stadium! If you’re coming please bring a picture so you can catch me setting myself on fire.

My route is from the Royal Bank in Edgemont Village (near the TD bank on the Map) Edgemont Blvd to Ridgewood Drive and along Ridgewood to the Anglican Church (1058 Ridgewood Drive).

Map