DIARY OF A MAD TORCHRUNNER – 15 DAYS TO GO

Well here it is exactly 21 days till I run the Olympic torch! Twenty-one more sleeps!
There’s been a lot of activity as the event draws closer.

First of all I received my spiffy Torch Runner Uniform - the jacket, pants, toque and red mittens.

When I informed my buddies that I had received the outfit, my friend Sonny told me that my red mittens were special – not just like the ten buck mittens you buy at the Bay. Sonny told me these were special torch runner mittens. They have been treated with flame retardant – that they’re impossible to burn. Of course I had to find out. I think I keep my hand clenched nobody will notice. Of course it’s my right mitten so I’ll have to carry the torch left handed.

One thing I didn’t receive was my torch. This was a great disappointment as my son had already figured out how to make it shoot colored flames twenty feet into the air. He suggests that maybe we should find somebody who already has a torch to lend it to us. He would make the modifications and show up on the day I’m running with torch hidden in his pants, and when nobody was looking we could make the switch! Of course his torch would have to be lit at the time of the switch, which could be uncomfortable for him. We’re still working on the plan so don’t give up hope.

My wife wasn’t thrilled with me spending three hundred and fifty bucks to buy my torch. I told her that people are getting over two thousand dollars for the torch on ebay. She could sell it after I’m dead. That seemed to mollify her. So if something should happen to me the day after I run the torch, please have the CIS people take a close look at my corpse and see if there are any pillow feathers in my mouth.

As many of you know I’m directionally challenged. And since my route actually has a corner that I have to negotiate, the chances are high that I will get lost. My handlers will go one way and I’ll go the other. In order to stave off this potentially embarrassing situation I have modified a portable GPS unit, and fitted it to harmonic holder from my “I want to Bob Dylan Days” and have it suspended in front of my eyes so I will know where I am at all times.

I recently became reacquainted with a cousin of mine who works for the Public Relations Department of NASA. One of his duties is to special appearances by the NASA astronauts. I emailed him to see if he might be able to help. I asked if Neil Armstrong would like to stand along the Bag Lady and Dumpster Diver I hired to cheer me on. Here’s the email response:

“Neil isn't available but John Glenn said he'd be there with bells on .
Sounds very cool.”

I replied that I didn’t think that would be a good idea, as John is looking a bit shabby, and might get in a fight with the Bag Lady – and that would divert attention to me. But then again that might just be the diversion I need to switch torches!

My cousin did suggest as an alternative that the astronauts might take a banner with them to tack up on the outside of the Space Station during one of their EVA’s. I have Michele making it up now.

So again, I’m running on Wednesday Feb 10th around 4:00pm near Edgemont village.

Guess who's Running to Olympic Torch!

This is a little different than my usual travel email. Some of you may not be aware that I have been selected to be a TorchRunner for 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver!

My selection has been met with a combination of excitement by me and indifference from my friends and family.

It would be nice to have at least a few people (besides the two bag ladies and the Dumpster Diver I’ve paid to show up)to cheer me on my way.

The Olympic Committee has wisely added additional security on my portion of the run: Not because they fear demonstrators, but they fear FOR the demonstrators. I have let it be known that I am actually looking forward to protests. After all I am carrying a large club that’s lit on one end. If confronted I intend to wave that sucker like Indiana Jones in the snake pit!

And speaking of the torch. My engineering son feels that the flame is a bit :”on the wimpy side!” He feels that, in the spirit of Tim the Toolman Taylor he can make some “slight modifications” to my torch. The butane fuel he feels is a bit lame. He feels that some high octane rocket fuel should be able to shoot flames twenty feet or more into the air when my torch is ignited. “And why not coloured flames?” He added. “We have the technology!”

While he’s making the small modifications to my torch I’m asking him to take the “La Cuaracha” horn from our boat and hide it inside the torch as well so that I can provide my onlookers with a multi-media sound and light show.

If your’re in the area of North Vancouver near Edgemont Village around 4:00pm on Wednesday February 10th, I could use the support to cheer me on. Supposedly I’m supposed to run 300m, but if things are going well I might just decide to take it all the way to the stadium! If you’re coming please bring a picture so you can catch me setting myself on fire.

My route is from the Royal Bank in Edgemont Village (near the TD bank on the Map) Edgemont Blvd to Ridgewood Drive and along Ridgewood to the Anglican Church (1058 Ridgewood Drive).

Map